I got to thinking today of “Nice Guy.” That’s my name for the boy i used to be. I have never hated him. I notice that many of my t-sisters hate their boy selves. I’ve never taken that approach. I feel good about Nice Guy. He was compassionate and kind, intelligent but modest. He had skills that helped him rise to a position of leadership. He was an excellent public speaker. He was deeply spiritual. He was a good man. The only problem was that he wasn’t the real me.
The time came when that life finally fell apart as i could no longer continue to bear the pressure of being someone i wasn’t. It was my intent to follow a different path. I had planned to live a quiet life and work in a field unrelated to what Nice Guy did. When i transitioned i tried to do that but it didn’t work.
I wasn’t fulfilled in trying to follow a different path. And at the same time a new community of people was seeing and starting to react to me. I was being told that i should consider leadership. Now a newcommunity has come to appreciate the same skills that made Nice Guy successful. But this time it’s me, not Nice Guy, who is getting the acclaim and is being put into leadership. This feels great.
I am happy for what my life as Nice Guy has allowed me to do and be. I build on that in a different way. I no longer run away from it. I am now on the verge of returning to the very field of work that i once did. I’m excited and i never thought this would happen.
